I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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