I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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