sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
