I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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