Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
