You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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