lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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