I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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