i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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