I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize