dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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