So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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