For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize