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So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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