It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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