Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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