YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
