What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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