I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
