angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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