Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
