Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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