now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
