It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is the high leading the old right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.