She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.