Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.