stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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