Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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