Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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