Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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