So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize