I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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