bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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