PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
