Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.