I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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