Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream