It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?