do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
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Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil