I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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