Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
