PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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