For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
