Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
