Got a toothbrush?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
