I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
