Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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