last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need water and some morals
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
