I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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