My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize