gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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