the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
