I'm laying in your front yard are you home
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
