I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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