my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
