Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I love you.
Bad choice
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
