there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
