just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
MIDGETS
????
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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