Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
