I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
