i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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