I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if only i could text you this smell
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
