i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
