so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
