he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
