i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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