You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
