I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
