WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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